1.1.13 (ten years later)
At a certain point,
I have to accept my own loneliness.
Not embrace is like a scratchy scarf that keeps me warm,
But hold it in the light before me
And recognize it for what it is,
A ball of sadness.
At a certain point,
I have to accept that I am alone.
I can sit in a room full of loving friends,
But when the one I love ignores me,
I feel a deep desperation,
A longing for closeness.
It’s as if his darkness has driven away all the others.
At a certain point,
I have to accept that he cannot be there in a way that I clearly need.
If I am to stay,
Accepting this darkness into my life,
Can only exist if I find an even brighter light to shine
Into this empty space.
Resentment won’t be that leveler,
Nor will shame,
Which I know can only cage me into a cave.
Now look at me, I sound bluer than the deepest indigo.
At a certain point,
I have to accept that I have to look elsewhere for
And sadness’ last debut,
Else, it will steal the show.
At a certain point,
I’ve got to move on from these feelings,
Not succumb to my own sadness,
Not give into my own loneliness.
Thank goodness for music,
My constant companion.